I'm not really sure why...
Had a lovely week up to today, then all went a bit wrong today.
A combination of my feeling a little run down, not sure if im coming down with something - can't imagine that i am as i've only just recovered from a cold and i've been eating so well lately and also taking a multi vitamin. But did wake yesterday with allergu issues, so popped an allergy pill - Miles hunted through the kitchen drawer and found a pack of Nurofen i think they were, and brought them to me as he knows when i get bad with my allergies i pop a pill - an allergy pill though but i guess at 4 yrs of age, a pill is a pill.. so sweet of him.
Anyway, it really zaps my energy when i have allergy issues, so last night i started to feel like crap and went for an early night. apparently Greta woke but i was in such a deep sleep that Jonathan got up to her and just plonked her in bed next to me and went and crawled in the spare room..so i woke at 6.30am this morning with Greta saying 'hi mummy' i was like WHAT THE .., how'd you get in here lol!
So anyway, had a couple of plans today but still felt zapped of energy.. it all just seemed to go downhill.
Thought id try and get on top of a couple of bills, rang them to arrange to pay but would only speak to the account holder - Jonathan. Called him to ask him to call them and arrane to pay but ended up having a silly screaming match..
Greta decided not to have a nap today so literally scremed the entire day away, then finally late this afternoon she looked so tired so i put her in her cot and was hoping for a nap from her but for some un-known reason, Miles decided to go into her room and talk to her!!
So i snapped at Miles which i petty much never do as he is the the most kindest gentlest child i have ever had the pleasure of knowing and feel like crap for snapping at him - i swear the kid's only aim in life is to please other people, he is such an absolute pleasure - he thought he was doing good by going to see Greta as she hadnt settled and i snapped at him.. such a crappy Mum!
Anyway got Greta up and she screamed a lot, then when i finally got her to stop clinging for 5 minutes she picked up a crayon and drew all over the couch, then all over the table, then stuck stickers all over the leather couch...
I started to do a craft activity with Miles, after less than 5 seconds he gets bored and says ok ive done lets do something different - he seems to have the attention span of a gnat! no kidding, it had taken me ages to set up and its still hanging on the washing line drying... honeslty he pesters to do some craft, i set it up for her and 5 seconds later he is up and leaving the table as he is bored.. i give up!
Went to the shops for a crat activity they had there and ended up getting there at the wrong time so had to go back 2 hours later when it was on.
Nothing major just 5 or 6 little things that have all added up to a crappy day and me getting cross and snapping at the kids cos Greta was over tired and Miles woke her - just a crappy crappy day.
All made worse by the fact that Jonathan is out of the house by 6.30am and doesn't get home of an evening till ..well its 8.30pm and he's not home and hasn't even left the office yet, so will be well after 9.30pm that he's home and thats pretty normal.
SO single parent mode and i've litereally not seen another human being all week, well except shop keepers etc.. no one to talk to, so it gets lonely, i have no family or anyone for a break - the only break i get is if i pay a babysitter to look after the kids for a couple of hours...
i dont know, just a bad day.. feeling lonely today - counting down the months till the in-laws arrive.. 3 whole weeks of company for me!
it's hard some times. I know living here is best for the kids, i know that, i know i want to give them the best start and i know this is the place to do that - but i still have huge pangs of homesickness... not even that, i just get lonely.
i love Playgroups and things like that as the kids can play with thier friends there so its an hour off from me having to entertain them - and i really do like to do stuff with them and entertain them.. and play and paint and dance and do silly stuff but they do look at me to come up with stuff to entertain them constantly - cos i guess they only have me.
So Playgroup is great as there are other toys to play with and activities set up for them to play with and thats great - and i can chat to the other mums, have some company for an hour or so a couple times a week... i crave that.
But when its school holidays, i see no one for weeks on end... or however the holidays go on for, and its lonely...
also i feel crap cos ive lost 5.5kg's the past 3 weeks and im so proud but today i ate half a pack of biscuits and i've done zero walking this week so im really anxious about that, i feel like im desperate to walk and burn some fat off and its been raining and its not fit into the day and its in the back of my mind all the time and its getting to me....
SO anyway.. thats it really.
Hope for a better day tomorrow - i don't often feel so down.. a few things have gotten to me recently, and its all just got on top of me today i guess, silly little things im trying to shrug off - an old Mums group ' friend' ignoring me and inviting all the others out but me and a couple of other silly little things im trying not to let bother me.. but they do.. i had no idea they didnt like me but its been made clear lately- and its upsetting however much i try and ignore it...
What can you do..
Stick youself in single parent mode, smile and pretend all's well and get on with it!
So i'll get on with and hopefully be in a better mood tomorrow.
x